The Princess and the Knight
by DarkDanny
Summary: PTSD Series: As good and as pure as the truth may be, sometimes the fairy tale is better to tell... Post War Tali and John Shepard family fluff. Something to rot your teeth with.
1. The Princess and the Knight

**So… I was planning out a Brelyna Maryon/Nord mage turn Dragonborn Skyrim fiction and potentially something from Dragon Age when this idea came to mind… I hope you enjoy.**

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" _Once upon a time, there lived a princess._

 _She was not a regular sort of princess, what with their castles, ponies, servants and the sort that defined the regular princess'. No, her domain was on board a rickety old starship called the Rayya, her subjects were a people focused on one thing: survival. All this focus on survival meant the princess did not get the adulation one ought to get when you are royalty._

 _As that had been the case, the princess grew up to be a rather modest one. Like her people, she too was dedicated to aiding the fleet in whatever way possible. Although she would claim that it was a natural reaction given the circumstances, everyone knew that she did it out of love and dedication to her father and mother, the king and queen respectively. Both of whom were also not typical of royalty. The king did not govern from the sideline, and the queen did not work on petty feel good projects to keep her busy. They worked harder than most to ensure the survival of their people._

 _As good and as noble as this may have been, it meant that in the grand scheme of things, the traditional mother and father role had been lost on the poor pretty princess. Although the queen did her absolute best to take time out to raise her child, the princess was primarily raised by the Duchess of the Tonbay. The king did not even try. He was too busy, far too busy ensuring that the next generation of his people had a shot for survival. It was a rather heartbreaking state of affairs._

 _Yet, not once did the princess complain about the lack of parental guidance in her early years. She was extraordinarily mature about her situation and had decided at a young age that she would do her part. At first it was simple thing: helping to keep the Rayya clean, she even tried her hand at working in the air regulation ducts. Her first shift in that position, however, convinced her she was not up to that task. But she was a good princess; she did her duties to the best of her ability. Never complaining, never drawing attention to herself and her needs, and never asking for special favour._

 _Life on the fleet was unforgiving. No one was spared its brutality, not even the royal family. An illness broke out and much to the princess' great sorrow, the queen fell to it. In his grief, the king delved deeper into his obsession to duty and searching for a way to bring his people back to their rightful home._

 _So with the death of her mother and the virtual abandonment by the king, the young princess had enough of her self-sacrifice. For the first time in her own life, the princess decided to use her sway to convince the captain of the Rayya to give her a posting as an engineering apprentice. The Captain agreed and for a while, life appeared to be good._

 _The contentment of her new assignment was enough to cover the hole in her heart left by the loss of her beloved mother. But life, life always found a way to throw a curveball. The thing about royalty is that they are in essence glorified indentured servants. Sure they had an immense amount of influence and prestige, but ultimately the good ones always served at the people. This unfortunate fact of life came to the princess' knowledge far too quickly for her liking._

 _You see, one day the fleet had a rather most peculiar of visitors. It was a large, mysterious ship belonging to the Earth kingdom and stumbled into them without the intention of doing so. But being that the vessel was military in nature, the quarian kingdom naturally came to the conclusion that the psychotic ape people of earth, which only recently humiliated the turian kingdom soundly, had decided to stick their nose into their affairs. Sticking their nose into the busy of others was of course a popular course of action for the psychotic ape people of Earth. War was brewing and the military of the quarian people decided to greet their first unofficial human emissaries._

 _Unfortunately for the King of the quarians, he found himself in the unenviable position of meeting a zealot. The zealot was a Knight Captain, and a very unpleasant one at that. She was a contemptible, disagreeable woman who had been ordered to make contact with the quarian kingdom before the quarian kingdom drifted into human space. She was ordered to make certain arrangements to make sure that the quarian vagabonds did not flood in uninvited._

 _When the king and the emissary met, the two parties hated each other immensely. The zealot thought the quarian people did not abide by good manners and took their massive fleet wherever they went in order to intimidate their hosts into abiding their every wish. The king did not trust the Knight Captain. Not as he realized this single massive vessel was a launching pad for dozens of smaller crafts. All of which capable of doing immense damage to the ancient fleet they survived on. It also did not help that human fleets were only hours away via the relay's and would do to the quarian fleet, what they did to the turian kingdom at Shanxi._

 _The two of them were worked up and on the verge of starting a total war, when the king of the quarians decided that he would be the mature one and attempt to lure the knight captain into idle conversation to reign in their tempers. He spoke about his people, about his situation and finally, after all else failed to calm the agitated psychotic female ape, he showed the woman a picture of the princess._

 _The knight captain took the picture and examined it. For the first time she appeared… pacified._

 _When she handed it back, she told him that she too was a parent. A son and a daughter, they were a few years older than the princess. The daughter was back on Earth, but the son was accompanying her on her tour. That was all it took for the gears in king's head started to work. He scheme a scheme and it wasn't long until he told the human just what was on his mind. Peace could be achieved between both races, the king would be idolized for adverting full out war and the knight captain would become famous for her diplomacy._

 _So the King of Migrant Fleet and the Knight Captain of the SSV-Einstein came up with an agreement. What better way to build an alliance then through a marriage? Oh, not between the king and the captain. The king still hated and mistrusted humans and the captain thought quarians were trash. Instead they decided to sell the future of their children to be the betrothed. The princess of the fleet and the son of the knight captain - a knight himself now - would be wed._

 _Needless to say, both parties were not particularly thrilled by what had occurred behind their backs. The princess naturally thought of it as a betrayal most foul. But since neither she nor anyone else were in a position of power to debate the thought process of the king, they had exactly jack shit to bargain with-"_

…

" _ **Daaaadddy**_ , you're not _allowed_ to swear!"

Turning back Margaret, whose eyes were wide at the profanity, the father turned to face his other daughter, sweet little Calia. He pushed himself off of his human daughter's bed and sat on his quarian daughter's bed next.

"Oh… oh right," he spoke as he leaned forward and cusped his girl's cheek. "Disregard the strong language, pumpkin. What I meant to say poop, of course."

His mouth formed a grin as he watched Calia giggle at her favourite human word _'poop'_ was being used. She was… well she an odd girl. Frankly he had to wonder if her mother dropped her on the head. She was hilariously quirky and was easily amused by just about everything he did. Literally, he could bang his head on an open cupboard and she would explode into a fit of giggles. Sometimes he had to wonder if she set him up for it.

"No Daddy," he heard Margaret decline his request brutally. "Mommy… Mommy said that we have to tell her whenever you say a bad word. We _promised_ her! You're in trouble… unless…"

So… it seemed that Auntie Miranda…no, Auntie Miranda was respectful… no it had to have been Auntie Liara who had gotten their hooks into the girl. Well… that should have been expected.

The father rounded back to face his human daughter, only to find her standing on her bed. She lunged at him her small body hitting him in the back. Her arms wrapped around his neck. He gasped slightly and stood up, moving in a full circle as she rode on his back like he was an unbroken bronco. After several moments of flaying with Calia egging her sibling on, he reached behind her and pried her off his neck and back, lifting her right over his head and pulling her back down onto the bed next to her sister.

"Excuse me, but you're trying to hardball Commander John Shepard, first human Spectre and your old dad?" John Shepard addressed his child playfully. As Margaret nodded, John rubbed his neck. "Now, I've been known to make compromises to save my neck. I'm sure we can come to an arrangement where you don't end up fatherless, right?"

When neither of the girls answered his request, John knew it was only a matter of time before he got a stern talking to. Sighing John grumbled to himself about how they were supposed to be daddy girls, and that his titles did not matter to them in the slightest, he cleared his throat and started again.

…

" _So anyways, the arranged marriage was not exactly expected by either species. It had been a practice that fell out of favour with the humans for hundreds of years, a thousand years for quarians. It was most peculiar that the king was willing to trade his only child to a human. Some wondered if the humans were going to give the quarian access to their space, perhaps even work as a representative of quarian interests to the Citadel Species, some had even believed that the humans would serve as shock troopers meant to battle the dreaded vile geth in exchange for technology rights._

 _Humans as volunteer shock troops…whoever thought of that one deserved to get whipped for their lunacy. That sounded like a bad fiction._

 _Whatever the case had been, it was only for the king and leaders of the human kingdom to know for sure. And all that really mattered to the common people of the two kingdoms was would be the impeding nuptials between the princess and the knight. Royal marriages were always a fascinating thing to witness. That was, of course, if the two parties somehow managed to find it in their steel hearts to forget the sleights they endured as well as the taunting from their own species for marrying what they perceived to be a lesser species._

 _They met on board the human military vessel for the first time shortly after the arrangement had been made by their parents, the meeting arranged by them as well. The knight, being the kindly… ahhh… well… knight that he was, made the first attempt at some sort of civility. It was always in his nature to be diplomatic. He knew there was nothing short of death that could break this contract and he did not intend to let death get the better of him. Like the knight he was, he soldiered forward; he was ready to face whatever challenges he was presented._

 _The princess, on the other hand, was far less cordial and far more hostile. Somehow in her delusional quarian mind she somehow got the idea that the arranged marriage was somehow his idea in order to earn a place in the quarian royal family. She called him cruel things_

" _I will not be married off to some human brute!" she cried out, furious with her fate. "I will not!"_

 _The temper tantrum continued for minutes. It reverted back into her native tongue, which was the equivalent for listening someone belt sand a man's teeth to the gums. No longer able to handle himself, the knight, as politely as he could told, told that she was flattering herself, that she was hardly the beauty she perceived herself to be and that the Rannochian royal line meant exactly two things to him: Jack and shit… and jack left town."_

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" _ **DAAADDDY!"**_ Calia screamed at her father. Shepard held his hands up over his head feigning surrender to her language policing. Little goody two shoes…

…

" _-Needless to say, the princess didn't like being spoken to like that. The knight, on the other hand, did not relent. He did not yet know the independent, thoughtful spirit that the princess was. He did not know the sacrifice and loss she suffered through in her youth. Her haughty defensive nature made it impossible for the knight to detect the good in her. All he could see was a rotten, spoiled princess who viewed the human as an awful creature, not worth an ounce of her respect._

 _As such, he sallied forward, unrelenting in his verbal offensive._

 _The knight continued, pointing out that the idea was her father's fault, and if she had a real problem with it, then it was best to take it up with him. It was not the knight's fault that the princess could be so easily subdued into submission by her father. He told her that no matter what she did, the king would never be impressed by her actions, not out of lack of trying, but because the king was impossible to please. And the sooner she learned that, the sooner she could begin to live for herself._

 _That was all it took to break down the resolve of the princess, like the little girl trapped in a woman's body that she was, she burst into a flood of tears.-"_

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" _But this state only lasted for a moment or two,"_ a soft feminine call echoed behind John, Margaret and Calia. _"The princess swallowed her damaged pride and dried her eyes. She would not take this insult lying down."_

John turned around and blanched as he stared at the sight of his wife, Tali Shepard –his better half- was leaning in the doorway, her arms crossed as she stared down her husband with a high degree of amused annoyance in her expression. It appeared that Calia's cries quickly garnered the attention of the mother. John swallowed the knot inside his throat and attempted not to think of what the punishment was going to be for this story…

Whatever it was, it would have to wait. He watched as Tali silkily pushed herself forward and swayed to his side. She stopped, looming over both him and the girls. Still she was smiling as she leaned forward to kiss Margaret and Calia on the tip of their noses. Her right hand reaching out and pinching the back of Shepard's neck. He tried his utmost to ignore the shock to his nerves as he shuffled over to allow Tali access to the edge of the bed he sat on. Still smiling slyly, the quarian let go of her husband and rested against his frame, her hand falling on Calia's blanket covered knee.

"Princess?" Tali spoke up, annoyed that that title was being used for the female protagionist to John's story.

"Mommy, daddy was _swearing_!" Margaret immediately sold her father out without so much a second thought.

Tali smiled faintly at the treacherous little girl and turned to stare down her suddenly nervous husband. Her eyes turned into dangerous slits as they narrowed in on him. As intimidating as it appeared, he could just see that Tali was fighting back the desire to laugh at his discomfort and her child's seemingly inability to be corrupted by even her own father.

" _Unknown to the foolish knight, the princess, or as she preferred to be known, first engineer of the Rayya was stronger than the knight could ever dream,"_ Tali continued the story on his behalf. _"Before he knew it she had turned it around on him. He quickly grew to regret tempting fate with the young woman… now, may I tell the story?"_

Remaining dead silent so not to explode into a wild laughter, Shepard, bug eyed by the situation he was now in, could only nod.

 **…**

" _First off before we continue, country to popular belief expounded by the previous narrator, the princess did not abuse her authority to gain an apprenticeship as an engineer student. She was handpicked by a master engineer who did not recognize the authority the girl could have, but instead her natural aptitude for engine calibrations and repair. Yes… she was an air duct servicer for brief period of… well… two years… but it was all the motivation she required to get a proper trade. Thankfully she was gifted and even upped the efficiency of the thruster system by 13 percent without the assistance of a VI or the lead engineer. This was a magnificent feat which was never duplicated by a first year student. Looking back on it, the princess hoped that whatever children she might have had in the future would follow in her footsteps-"_

 ** _..._**

" _ **Mooooommmmy noooo!"**_

Tali trailed off and looked at her two howling children. If there was anything that made those two girls fall asleep, it was even the most rudimentary discussing of engineering. Frankly, she blamed her husband. The girls seemed to love and respond to John's Standard Operating Procedure if something mechanical or electronic in nature failed him: By hitting it with whatever he could get his hands on. Sometimes shouting at it was preferred.

Tali had to chalk it up to plain old human insanity, something that was apparently contagious in her quarian child as well…

A small nudge caught her attention. It was John, he leaned forward and pressed his mouth only a few centimetre's from her ear.

"I was just telling the girls how modest, selfless and _humble_ the princess was," he whispered just loud enough for the girls to hear as well. "I think they prefer that version."

Tali examined her husband carefully and she nodded, accepting that the story was… well... a fairy tale. Say what you would about him, but he was a rather talented storyteller since he retired from the Alliance and Spectre program to be a stay-at-home father to the girls.

Slowly she exhaled and started again.

…

 _As it turned out, the knight himself was going through a variety of issues himself. His verbal attack was not so much directed at her as it was at him at well. You see, despite their vast differences, the two were kindred spirits in one way: they both had controlling, but distant parents who never gave them the proper love that they deserved as children. To see the princess in familiar straights was enough to break down his resolve._

" _Look…" the young knight who had spoken so cruelly to her finally tried to correct himself. "Your anger caught me off guard. You must understand that I am but a simpleton, raised by a mother who was absent and a father who was just not allowed to be involved in my life. I let out my anger on you and it was totally not right. Could you find it in your ever receptive heart to forgive me… my princess?"_

 _If the princess was shocked by the knight's bold words earlier, she was even more shocked to watch this knight break down into pathetic tears that made hers look quite composed. She watched as he shook, his lips quivered as he struggled and naturally failed to control himself._

 _It was… difficult for her to find forgiveness for his grievous words. Very few had dared to speak that way to her. As… offended as she had been by his forward behaviour, she could not help but be intrigued that he would say those things. It wasn't a love of any means of the word, her heart was too hard for such a feeling just ye3t, but it was enough to actually sit down and enjoy in a civil conversation._

" _Dry your eyes, sir knight," she requested kindly. "Dry your eyes before you rot the wood flooring on this fine ship of yours."_

 _With the initial awkwardness no longer a lingering cloud over the two of them, they slowly started to get to know one another. Both of them were aware of what their union meant: a lasting tie between the two kingdoms. They might not have liked it, or each other. But it was a very important first step, one which they would need some time to build on…_

 _To be fair, the princess had to admit to herself, the knight wasn't unattractive… for a human at least._

…

John, slightly annoyed that his wife had turned his bad ass knight into a quivering wimp, watched as Tali trailed off and smiled slightly to the girls watching her closely, her hand rested on John's lap.

"I think that's enough for tonight. It's getting late," she concluded as she glanced at the clock in their bedroom. "I think we can continue this tomorrow night, yes?"

The two girls pouted as their mother laid down the law for them. But as disappointed as they may have been, they knew better than to argue. Tali stood up and helped Margaret back into her own bed. John tucked Calia back in and pressed his lips against her forehead again and then stood up as well. He stretched and yawned theatrically, making the little quarian girl giggle out loud briefly before she too yawned, it was a sweet little squeaking noise.

"Mommy… Daddy?" John heard Margaret call out softly, half into her pillow. "When will we get to hear the real story?"

Tali remained silent at first, her fingers still stroking her daughter's cheek tenderly.

"I don't know…" Tali replied lightly. She glanced over to John and smiling, added. "I suppose that is your domain, Daddy; when will these two little monsters get to hear what really happened?"

John could only shrug as Tali finished kissing Margaret on the cheek before pulling herself back up and stood next to him.

"Well, I supposed you can hear it when you're older… 13 perhaps," John finally replied to his wife. Noticing the sharp look Tali gave at the clearly wrong answer, he amended it, adding, "No wait… 17. It's rather a mature story, right?"

Tali's sharp look vanished and was replaced by a pretty little smile. It seemed like he had finally had a right answer to give.

"Right," she sweetly confirmed. "Now it's time to go to sleep. And you know what happens to bad little girls who don't go to bed when they're told to!"

"-Uncle Zaeed come and will burn all our toys," the two girls simultaneously replied to their mother.

Tali blinked at the random suggestion that Zaeed Massani of all people would show up on Rannoch with the sole purpose of inflicting terror in the hearts of her children. John remained silent as the grave. Zaeed had been a very useful boogeyman for him. If anyone scared him who wasn't a Cthulhu monstrosity like the Reapers once been, then that fear came in the form of Zaeed. Good guy, really, but a nightmare if you ended up on the wrong side of him.

It wasn't even his doing… mostly. He merely mentioned Zaeed one night and within a week, the two girls were convince Zaeed was hiding under their bed, cursing and cleaning Jesse as he waited for them to make a slipup, one excuse to get them. It was cute that their imagination was so wild… in a creepy way.

"No… they don't get the rest of the story," Tali finished her explanation numbly. She rounded back on John and placed her hands on her hips as she added. "Is… is that how you get them to _sleep_ so quickly?! Do you also say Uncle Wrex will eat them to keep them in line as well?"

" _ **UNCLE WREX WILL EAT US!?**_ " Margaret shrieked out.

She screamed, and imitating her elder sister, so too did Calia. Tali smacked her hand over her face as the two girls found something new to fear. This time in the form of their favourite krogan uncle who did nothing but dote on them like they were an extension of the hundred or so kids he had. Whenever he and Grunt showed up to their home he was always afraid Wrex would take them and train them into newest members of his Krant.

As piercing as the screaming had been, John could not help but chuckle as he watched Mrs. Shepard - the perfect mother - fail as hard as she did. It was refreshing to see that she was capable of slipping up. John took a small measure of pity on the woman and reached out, taking her by her waist as he pulled her out of the room, before either of them lost any more of their hearing. Honestly at this point John would rather listen to the roaring of the Reapers then the high pitched squeals of his girls.

"Nice one, mother of the year… smooth move…" he teased Tali playfully as he closed the door behind them, muffling the screams only slightly.

Tali rubbed her hands and together they wandered towards the lounge for a lay down. She looked so utterly guilty that she had more or less threw the krogan under the bus. As John sat down on the couch, Tali paced back and forth for a little while until he reached back out and pulled the woman onto his lap. It took a while, but slowly Tali relaxed, her head lolled back and rested on his shoulder and neck.

"It was wrong of me to be so cruel to Wrex. He will be so sensitive when he comes for Christmas," Tali confessed finally as the screaming from the bedroom petered out at long last. "…I should have said Garrus would eat them, instead..."

The two of them laughed, kissed and decided to forget their latest parental debacle. The Princess and the Knight would instead enjoy the evening. In eight to ten short hours, the Battle for the Shepard Home would continue like clockwork…

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 **I'm marking this as complete, but if it's popular I will return to this story with more adventures in parenting. But as I stated, it will all depend on your participation… muhahahaa.**

 **Back to Uplifted Integration, which I have decided will end in three chapters or less. It's time to move on. Thanks for reading!**


	2. A Gathering of the Royalty

**Hope you enjoy!**

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 **Chapter Two: A Gathering of the Royalty**

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"What is this you're trying to give me? It smells… off."

It's tea, silly! And don't remove the tiara. You are the Princess and you have to dress like one. A princess does not complain about the fashions she must wear!"

 _"AND YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD PLAY WITH US!"_

Shifting in his small stool, Urdnot Grunt placed the tiara back onto his head, and pushed back the blonde wig bangs covering one of his eyes. He appeared to be oblivious to both John Shepard and Miranda Lawson standing behind him, watching the tea party of the Princesses Margaret and Princess Calia unfold with a mixture of horror and amusement.

Amusement from the doting father and horror from the honorary aunt who had frequently seen the hulking killing machine of a krogan kill men and beasts with his bare hands, and now here he was, playing dress up.

This wasn't exactly why Miranda had dropped by the Shepard residence in the first place. She had come to visit the two Shepard girls, which she had long ago come to view as kin. But this was not what she had expected. It was, perhaps, something Tali or John would do, but certainly not the krogan.

Miranda glanced over to Shepard; he seemed lost in watching his girls play. It was a strange thing to behold. Shepard at peace, even half a decade since the Reaper War had ended. The man was a tense mess from the moment he first woke up at Lazarus Station. He was always so dedicated to seeing whatever faced him was dealt with; so to have him standing there relaxed, it was peculiar to see, even so many years after the Reaper War ended.

She supposed this shift in thinking was necessary. He was a stay-at-home father, while Tali was the one out working. This reversal of gender roles was something neither of them seemed to mind. Tali, the engineer, would always have work. Shepard, the soldier, didn't have a lot of killing to do these days. Tali loved her work; Shepard had long since come to hate his career. His transition into a full time father was inevitable.

Speaking of Tali, the quarian and she were starting to get along now after years of tension primarily one-sided from Tali. While Tali thought of Miranda as a Cerberus stool (which she was correct about at one point) Miranda never really gave the quarian an ounce of her attention. To her, the quarian was just some hold over from Shepard's past. To Miranda, Tali was just someone to recruit for the Collector mission to help ease Shepard into trusting Cerberus' intentions. Never in a million years did she believe that there was a romantic connotation to their relationship. The first suggestion of this did not come from Kelly Chamber's dossiers on Tali, but in fact, it was a hypothesis from The Illusive Man himself.

Miranda thought the Illusive Man was well off the mark. He wasn't. It wasn't long into the Collector mission that there was a strange in the air between man and quarian. Garrus Vakarian seemed to be the first to notice it. It was apparently quite amusing to him. With her position being what it was, she wanted an elaboration from the turian, which he gave. The quarian was a mere girl during the chase after Saren. She was different by the Collector mission. More… in tuned with what she wanted; and what she wanted since she was a younger woman was Shepard.

Once Garrus clarified the odd little relationship between Tali and Shepard and was quickly followed by the impassioned defense at Tali's treason trial, Miranda found herself not exactly certain what to feel about it. She was by no means thrilled for the longest time. It wasn't until the Reapers attacked in full force did she finally understand just how important Tali was in helping Shepard find his humanity, something he had lost so many years ago on Torfan.

It wasn't a one-sided relationship either. Tali, in Miranda's opinion, was perhaps too much of a humanitarian for her own good… or whatever the alien word was for the phrase. It was very difficult for her to just accept that loss happened, that people were going to die regardless of what happened. In that respect, Shepard worked wonders in forcing the soft hearted quarian to harden up. The galaxy was burning, people were dying. Sacrifices had to be made to save the many. Blood had to be on their hands in order for victory to be achieved. It was a brutal lesson in Darwinism, which Shepard taught Tali, but it worked in the end.

It was little wonder why the two of them were plastered at every opportunity during their off time. It was the only way they could cope with dead they condemned. They drank, used narcotics, fucked whenever Tali could fuck. It was a dark downward spiral of despair they were locked into together as the Reaper conflict got worse and worse with each passing day. It always seemed to get worse. Considering what they had done together to the geth alone, she could not blame them…

"How exactly did they convince a genetically bred killing machine to put on a tiara and… I presume that is a dress… and play a game like this?" Miranda spoke up, breaking herself from her thoughts.

Next to her, Shepard could only offer her a wide grin.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Shepard breathed back, amused by her question. "Grunt comes here every week or two to do this. Princesses are a major theme to these get together, but this tea party is a first. I think he thinks it's his Krant obligations. Tali figures he's making up for having no childhood."

Looking away from her sister, Princess Margaret directed her big blue eyes up to her Father, her expression haughty, holier-than-thou. She was the perfect representation of a Monarch.

"We desire more cookies, head butler!" she called out to her father in a high voice.

Princess Calia, on the other hand, took a different route then her elder human sister. Representing her age perfectly, she went the sweet route instead. She jumped out of her seat, wrapped her arms around her Dad's legs and looked up at him with her widened bright eyes.

"Daddy can we have more cookies! _Pleeease_!? _**PLEEEASE**_?!" she pleaded with him.

It wasn't just the girls who wanted their refreshments filled either. Without any warning, Princess Urdnot Grunt decided to intervene on their behalf as well. He slammed his fist onto the table, making all of the cutlery scatter and the tea set bounce in place. Ignoring the giggling of the girls, Princess Grunt turned his narrowed expression up to his bemused Krant leader.

"Shepard, we demand more cookies by Royal Proclamation," he growled at his friend, clearly playing along with the children he adored as though they hiss own siblings. "Obey the order or face severe punishment."

Throwing his hands up in a gesture of defeat and deference, Shepard looked amused as he shook his daughter off him and retreated out of the room to get their biscuits… cookies… whatever, leaving Miranda alone with the girls and the krogan killer, who had all directed their attention straight away to her.

Miranda quirked her mouth into a small smile for human and the quarian girls, and she supposed for the krogan glaring up at her as well. She didn't exactly like the way the girls were smiling at her back. It wasn't a sweet smile like they usually had, it was a plotting smile. It was a John Shepard smile whenever he would place her into terrible situations…

"Auntie Miranda you can join us!" Margaret was the first one to call out. Calia bounced forward and collided into Miranda legs as she had with her father.

"Yes, Auntie Miranda… You should be a Princess too!" Calia chimed in as well, bouncing in place "PRETTY PLEASEEE?!"

Miranda frowned slightly and as she placed one hand onto Calia's shoulder, the other onto the top of the girl's head. She found it in herself to smile and look from sister to sister to the annoyed krogan, who was waiting for the game to continue with or without the joining of the woman.

"Oh, I would be… honoured to join you, really I would," Miranda finally replied to the girls. "It's just that like your father, I feel I would be better service to the royalty as part of the wait staff. Surely you would rather me a maid-"

But neither Calia nor Margaret was accepting her refusal. Margaret stood up alongside her quarian sibling.

" _PRINCESS, PRINCESS, PRINCESS!"_ the two of girls sang their chant endlessly at Miranda, as though it would somehow change Miranda's position on the horrifying concept of being a Princess. Christ, this was the sort of thing she tried to avoid coming off as. If that horrid bitch Jack ever saw this, she would have a goddamn field day…

Before Miranda knew it, Margaret had thrown a hand hooked blanket around her shoulders, creating what she supposed was supposed to be a regal gown. Calia was standing on the tips of her toes with a spare tiara in her hands presented to her as though she was a divine ruler. Miranda smiled at the quarian girl and shook her head.

Her refusal was not accepted. Miranda had forgotten that she had no choice in the matter the moment the girls decided she too would join in their games. Their parental enforcer, John Shepard had returned. After he refilled the tray with royal treats, which judging by how shoddily baked they were, were his creation, he reached out and took the tiara from out of Calia's small hands and without asking permission, he set it down into her hair.

"Ahhh… please," Miranda attempted to plead with the girls, as she glared at the smirking Shepard who was finishing to tie the improvised gown around her. "I am not good at these sorts of games. I mustn't ruin the fun."

"Nonsense you, join your fellow royals," John spoke as he placed another small chair at the tea table. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, he added. "Princesses of the court, may I introduce the Queen of Australia, Her Majesty Queen Miranda, the reigning monarch of all the raging alcoholic, kangaroo punching, Emu fearing, fun loving criminals of the great Australian desert continent. It's only right to greet her with her traditional greeting of _'g'day mate, how 'bout 'nother shrimp on the Barbie!?'_ "

" _G'day mate, how 'bout 'nother shrimp on the Barbie!?_ " the three Princesses of the Court greeted the newly crowned Queen.

Miranda turned and directed her glare at Shepard, who was trying his absolute best not to explode into laughter at her expense. Like the good, dutiful servant that he was, Shepard grabbed the empty chair and slid it out for Miranda to take a seat in. She could feel the heat rising from her forehead as a dull throbbing pounded away in her brain.

Looking at her eager pseudo-nieces and the krogan one last time, Miranda bit the bullet, forgot the urge to paint the walls with Shepard's blood and stepped forward. Her eyes never left her former C.O.

"I should have _never_ resurrected you," she spoke in a low voice to Shepard as she took a seat and pushed herself in. "Clone Shepard would never make me do this."

Shepard emitted a small laugh and stepped back from the royalty and bowed his head.

"I need to go and make a few calls," Shepard announced to the gathering. He turned to Miranda with a barely concealed grin. He added. "As Queen and therefore, ranking royal, Could I beg you to lead this delegation of the Princesses in my absence, guide these young Princesses through their tea, and ensure the Princess of Tuchanka does not eat the table, _Your Majesty_?"

Miranda answered with a glare. It was all Shepard needed to bow dramatically once again and following proper procedure, he took three steps backwards and then turned to leave. As he closed the door behind him, Miranda heard the father explode into laughter finally.

Glowering to herself, Miranda turned back and found Calia was smiling up to her sweetly, holding the tray of biscuits and treats out for her to take. Biting her lip as she looked at the burnt oatmeal and coconut cookies, Miranda took one and bit carefully into it as though it was poison. It was not. Shepard had no skill at presentation, but they were surprisingly rich in texture and taste. She had to admit herself impressed that he was taking so well to house-husbandry.

Next to her, Grunt reached out, scooped a handful of tarts and leaned back into his plastic chair, making it groan under his weight.

"This royalty business… it's quite fun," the krogan admitted out loud in-between mouthfuls of strawberry tarts. "Will I be able to order the executions of my subjects?"

"Your subjects are on Tuchanka, silly!" Margaret exclaimed to her tankbred playmate.

Swallowing his food, the krogan eyed the girl. After a moment, he nodded approvingly.

"Oh… Good… So I'll get to kill when I go home!" Grunt exclaimed, rubbing his hands together. Turning from the girls, he gripped his tea cup daintily as the girls taught him and directed his focus to Miranda, adding, "Tell me, Queen Miranda of Australia; are these Emu's fearsome beasts? I would enjoy the challenge of killing them in honour of the Krant!"

Popping a Xanax, Miranda poured black tea into the small pink play tea cup and sipped it.

"Fearsome," was her neutral response.

"That is good to hear," Princess Grunt exclaimed as he slapped his hands together. "I will speak to the Clan Leader about organizing a raid on this Australia… what about this race of criminals that inhabit this desolate sounding wasteland? Are they worthy of the hunt, Your Majesty?"

Miranda replied with a groan as her hand rested against her head as she listened to Margaret and Calia chatter away incoherently in Khellish. This was going to be a long afternoon.

 **…**

* * *

 **…**

 **Poor Miranda… first being an Australian, and now this?**

 **I'll be keeping up at this story, keep it simple interactions and such. I've been thinking about reviving the "First Christmas" (if any of you remember that) in this series. Also, if you didn't catch it I updated Uplifted: The Grand Crusade. Considering how long it has been since I updated that, I figure a second reminder is warranted.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


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